Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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