I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
