So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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