I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
