My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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