dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
