I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
