With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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