dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
