what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
