My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Your cock deserves a montage
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
