I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
