ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
