i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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