Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
