accomplished twins. life is a go
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
