oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
