my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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