she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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