....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
be right there i have to get my cape
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
