Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's never too late to be topless.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
