he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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