I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
