my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
