How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
