So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize