He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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