were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
