I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Jerry, you need to find god
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
