I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
