I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize