I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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