I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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