btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
