Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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