The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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