I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
