I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
