i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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