oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
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I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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