I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
