i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
