Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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