i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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