ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
