i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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