When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
