your parents love me but you hate me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
