he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
