I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize