another moral hangover. fuck.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
