its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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