I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
