are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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