my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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