I hate all girls vehemently.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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