dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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