worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
