Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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