A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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