So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
