Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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