D3 body, D1 cock
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
