Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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