So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
