Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
