glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
