no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
