I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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