I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
