how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
