Got a toothbrush?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
