This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
