you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
why is half of my head shaved?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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