All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
