i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
