That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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