so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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